A few years ago, the NBC TV show The Office was all the rage. Despite it seeming like everyone I knew was watching it, I couldn’t. It wasn’t that I wasn’t invited to the watch parties or that I didn’t have access to it. Everyone else was watching it, so I decided I would not. I try to forge my own path. I assume this desire to go against the grain is rooted in my unique artistic spirit or maybe because I knew I couldn’t keep up with the trends. So, why not set my own?
I have witnessed people treat their spiritual journey this way, following the popular crowd, especially when young. I could have easily fallen into such a situation, allowing the faith of my mother and father to become what I identified with. After all, I was raised to pursue a relationship with Jesus. I am an obedient oldest child with people-pleasing tendencies, and these traits kept me in faithful attendance alongside my family each Sunday. However, those characteristics are not what bred my deep hunger to know all I could about Jesus, His love, the gospel of Christ, and how to serve Him more fully.
My first exposure to a desire to act, instead of simply following the religion I was born into, was during a vacation Bible school event at my church. After my VBS teacher shared her personal spiritual journey, I, too, wanted what she had. So, I quietly prayed alongside her, though I don’t think I fully understood. I also know that my hunger to learn more about my Lord and Savior did not start at this point, as I dutifully followed what was expected of me.
Some sort of rebellion often mars the teenage years. Mine took the form of nearly constant arguing with my parents. As with most teens, this is where I started deciding what I believed versus what I was told. One significant event that challenged me spiritually during high school was when I attended a week-long Christian camp where I rededicated my life to Christ. Afterward, I started to develop a passion and a hunger for the study of the word of God.
I started forging my own path toward the end of high school and decided to attend college as a first-generation college student. My parents and I continued to disagree regularly. Now, the arguments centered around their belief that college was a waste of time and money. The confluence of the culture in which I grew up, brushing against that which most interested me, caused deep questioning of self.
I sought the advice of my pastor. He saw a hunger for God in me, and unbeknownst to me, he started praying about what he saw in me. When I approached him and shared my thoughts about attending a Christian college, he greatly encouraged me and said he had prayed I would. Against my parents’ better judgment, I chose to attend college.
During my undergraduate college years, I became a passionate follower of Christ. I also became more aware of the call on Christians to be baptized, but I would simply glaze over this because I was baptized as an infant.
I worked a very stressful job for the first five years after college graduation. To relax in the evenings, I started taking art classes at a local college. Little did I know then that by taking these classes, I was beginning a journey that would change the rest of my life. A desire was ignited in me to pursue art education.
My previous self-doubts returned because my parents found no value in the art world and made their views very well known. God brought the most wonderful Christian man into my life during this time, and we married. He encouraged me on my artistic journey. Due to job stress, I was having trouble sleeping at night. I spent nights on my knees, crying out to God for a change.
Eventually, I changed my career and became a Pre-K through 12th grade art teacher. The next few years had many joys and challenges, including buying a house, having two children, switching from one school to another for employment, and the death of some very close family members. Somewhere in this, I realized I should be baptized as an adult. I felt a tug to do this as an act of obedience, but I was fearful to do so. I thought if I did, it would say to all my students and others who knew me that I wasn’t a Christian for all those years, as I had professed. I don’t know why I allowed this fear to stand in my way, but I did.
While we were in Spain for a wedding, the opportunity arose for me to be baptized in the Mediterranean Sea. I knew being baptized was what God was calling me to do. Upon returning from Spain, something had changed in me. I felt unsettled. I felt God would call me to something, but I did not know what. I felt burdened to pray for the days ahead while waiting for direction from Him.
Four months later, He made clear what the unrest in my soul was: He was calling me to transition from teaching art at the primary and secondary levels to pursuing a career as a college art professor. Being an art teacher at the private school where I worked made me feel very content, so I thought I was hearing God wrong. I decided to take a year to pray about it.
I fasted and prayed for over a year. I became sure of this call and started pursuing my Master of Fine Arts in Visual Art. At this point, I became a full-time student but was not ready to give up my teaching post, so I continued teaching full-time. Throughout that school year, I became highly discontented with the job that I had so loved. I was stressed beyond belief, too. I had unwisely committed myself to being a full-time graduate student, a full-time teacher, a mom, and a wife. Life was unbearably busy.
During this stressful time, God directed my path by clearly closing doors I had tried to keep open and opening others I never imagined would be available. By the end of that school year, I was convinced God was calling me to quit teaching at the pre-k through 12th-grade level and move into higher education. God opened the door to the community college, and I stepped into the role of adjunct art instructor while finishing my graduate degree. I am faithfully praying about my next steps and have learned the hard lesson of not trying to control life. Most days, I fully surrender to what God has planned for me and strive to glorify Him in my life and the art I create. That doesn’t mean I don’t have moments of doubt or that life is suddenly easy. It just means that in these weak moments, I know I must lean in a little closer to God and pray even more.
Oh, and just a minor update for you: I did end up watching The Office. The wonderful Christian man I married had a favorite TV show, The Office. So, a few years after the nation’s Office craze, I, too, found myself immensely enjoying it.
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